Took my position on the black leather sofa and laid back, tryna figure out why my life felt over. Pushed the playback button but got a blank screen. Like I couldn’t rewind to that scene. She said “how you feel about your loss” I told her I’m pissed off I wanna tell the world I don’t give a toss. Feeling stressed to the max, blaze a bag of cigarettes back to back and only use 1 match. The situation got me pissed, I could jump into a pool of paraffin with a lit spliffs. Or hit some golf balls at rubber walls full of anthrax and try and catch them in my mouth on the ways back. It’s like the ultimate payback she said “I’ll take you to your child hood and way back” She opened and ask me if I have regrets I said we all do” and then she smiled and simple said.

She said now what’s it going to be you wanna die a quiet man or you going to open up to me? I replied with monochrome tears in my eyes I’m searching for the rainbows in the broken skies. I never saw my dad cry until my mum died. I never smoked crack but on that day I think I’d try. I’m not the type to hit the pipe and get wasted, but I’d hit that vain to take the pain and erase it. I’d short the needle so far up my arm that it would go round my shoulders and poke out my other palm. I’d harm myself every day to take the pain away, sacrifice my life so dad could see my mum again. Like the pain of a thousand swards a thousand lashes from a thousand loads. A thousand sins punished with one strike nothing compares to the pain of that night.

She left me like an accapella with no words, a tune with no sound, a city with no ground. A sky with no birds, left me in pain. No longer will happiness reign again. Left me crazy insane wondering why she had to die and then fly into a broken skies. Wondering if I will see her again will she be at the pearly gates sat there to let me in. Left me like De Nero crazy status so now you see me taxi driving straight cross the Atlas. My wheels spinning so fast I spin the world off its axes now you see the globe spinning backwards. I drive into the rain so fast I travel 5 miles not even hit by a single splash I drive almost crashed 3 times tonight and that’s on purpose. I can’t even do something like that right. She left me dazed and confused like the theory of a female Jesus now there’s nothing I can do. Lost all sense of time can’t even tell if its night or day in the sunshine.so as I drive tryna get my head straight will it take the weight or will it seal my fate for real. I been through trials and tribulations before but hands down this beats them all I can’t say no more.